Would Have Been
by sonicstardust
Summary: We all push down feelings that we think we shouldn't have. We tell ourselves that our desires are wrong, and replace them with wants that are more achievable, or acceptable. Jade and Beck are supposed to be happily married, but Jade feels something is missing. She reconnects with a friend from high school, unintentionally rekindling old feelings. Future!Jori
1. Chapter 1

Jade brought the steaming mug close to her face, relishing the warmth and inhaling the smell: coffee. That first sip would perhaps be the only truly perfect moment of her day. The rich aroma and smooth flavor were her refuge, because she knew as soon as her morning coffee was done, the chaos would begin. That was the same every morning. What was different about today, was that it was her 21st birthday.

On cue, Beck hurtled into the kitchen, making airplane noises. Jade couldn't help smiling when she saw the grin on their two year old son's face. The baby shrieked with laughter as his father, carrying him on his back, flew him around the room, and finally brought him to rest at the table.

Beck grabbed an apple from the counter and slung his messenger bag over his shoulder.

"Morning," he greeted Jade with a kiss so quick that she had no chance to return it. "I gotta go," he lamented, "I have to be on set at eight today. I'll try to call when I get a break."

Jade found herself slightly annoyed, because somewhere in the back of her mind she had anticipated that he would forget her birthday. She couldn't deny that he'd been severely overworked lately, but the fact that he'd forgotten still left a sting. She pulled her face into a smile anyway.

Beck tousled the hair of their bright eyed little boy before heading out the door. "Bye," he called to them, pausing his hurried exit for a moment of sentiment, "I love you guys."

Jade smiled after him; she knew he meant it. Scooping up the baby and balancing on her hip, Jade followed Beck to the door, so they could watch as he pulled out of the driveway.

"Wave bye-bye, Owen." She instructed the toddler, who did as he was told, scrunching his fingers opened and closed in that baby way of waving. They were getting very set into this routine. It didn't seem to bother Beck, but to Jade, things seemed…off. It was like a bad taste in the back of her mouth; some kind of dissatisfaction that she couldn't quite place.

After getting some breakfast for Owen and herself, Jade sat the baby down with a pile of toys, grabbed her laptop and began working on her most recent project. Working from home had sounded like the easiest thing in the world. It had been convenient for the most part, but there were far too many things that Owen could get into these days for Jade to really be able to concentrate on her work. Another point of annoyance was that Jade was not in complete creative control.

Editing her own video footage would have been one thing – that at least she could have enjoyed – but for the moment she'd been hired to work on video clips of some singer who was supposed to be the next big thing. She couldn't honestly care less about the guy, but it was her job. Complaining wasn't going to pay the bills.

Jade looked up from her work to check on Owen, and found him with her cell phone. He handed it over with an impish grin that crinkled around his blue eyes. He knew full well that it wasn't his to play with. Jade tickled him and traded him for a toy phone that Beck had bought him for his birthday. He liked the toy, but for some reason the baby still preferred a real phone.

The notification light on Jade's Pear Phone blinked. She realized that along with several texts of "Happy Birthday" wishes from her friends, her boss, Adam, had just emailed her. The message was brief as usual; he was always very concise and cordial. He wrote that he hoped things were going well, and went on to tell her that he was sending her new footage to work on.

Great, she thought sarcastically. She wasn't even close to being done work her previous project, even though the deadline was approaching quickly. Jade sighed, knowing she'd have to be glued to the computer for the rest of the day, all the while making sure that the little guy wasn't up to any mischief.

Maybe she could call Cat and ask her to watch the baby, she mused. It would allow her extra time in which to work. After all, this was Cat's day off, and "Aunt Cat" – as she liked to be called – never rejected an opportunity to spend time with Owen. Jade sighed, and dialed her quirky red-headed friend's number.

At half past 1:00, Caterina Valentine arrived on Jade's doorstep with a hug and a birthday card. She was still as excitable and sweet as she'd always been, though after college, for the sake of applying for a job, she'd toned down her formerly bright hair. She wore her now dark auburn hued locks in curls that bounced on her shoulders as she greeted Jade and Owen.

"Hey baby boy!" Cat squealed, giving Owen a big smushy kiss on the cheek. He went into her open arms instantly. Jade's mouth twitched into a smile. Cat was going to be a great mom someday.

With Cat and Owen settled at the kitchen table with some Play-Doh, Jade made herself comfortable on the couch with her laptop, she worked steadily for a few hours without distraction, and finally finished the project on which she had fallen so badly behind. She glanced at the clock; from the other room she could hear that Cat had turned on the television for Owen, and they were both quite happy singing along to some kind of children's program. Jade sighed, knowing she might not have another chance for a while to get work done without interruption.

She sent the finished project to Adam, and downloaded the files that he had sent for the next one. While she waited for the videos to load into her editing program, she scrolled through her phone. Along with Birthday wishes she didn't feel like replying to, there was one new message from Beck. He apologized for running out of the house so quickly that morning…but said nothing about her birthday. She scoffed to herself, frustrated.

When Jade's eyes came back to her computer screen, she found a pair of familiar brown eyes looking back at her. Her videos had loaded, and there on her screen, smiling at her, was an old friend. She'd never admitted that Tori Vega had in fact been her friend, but despite a few rough patches, it was true. Jade knew she'd been less than warm and fuzzy to the other girl, but that didn't mean she hadn't liked her. They rarely talked nowadays – Jade hadn't even seen the other girl since the day she'd married Beck. Through casual chatting with both Cat and their old friend Andre, she had gleaned that Tori had found success recording with a local label. From the looks of the videos Jade had been sent, things were going quite well.

Working quickly out of curiosity, Jade synced the audio and video files, and let the clip play. A sweet, sad melody came through the computer speakers. Jade let herself be taken in and the room fell away from her for the three minute span of the song. In her memory, Tori's voice had never sounded so lovely. Content-wise the video itself was unremarkable, but Tori kept her captivated, emotions raw and projecting the song from every part of her being.

_"What could have been,_

_What should have been,_

_What can never be,_

_I wanted you,_

_I needed you,_

_You fell away from me"_

After it had ended, Jade sat in silence for a moment, then slowly picked up her phone. She knew she had Tori's number, though she was not entirely sure if it was current. Upon finding the contact she was looking for, chewing on her lip with indecision, Jade called the number.

Jade only had the space of two rings time to prepare herself, and then Tori's voice cheerfully forsook all formal greeting.

"Jade! Tell me you got the videos!" she said enthusiastically.

Momentarily confused by the lack of pretense, Jade stuttered, "Uh, yeah, yeah I'm working on your music video. That's why I called." She explained, her cheeks flushing.

Tori squealed, "Ah! I knew he'd send them to you. I told them if they wanted to get the editing done by the best, they'd have to go to you."

Before Jade could fully voice her thanks, Tori was hurtling full speed ahead into happy news about her career, and gossip about people she knew, and what was coming next. Suddenly she stopped. "But how have you been? How are Beck and the baby?" she asked, realizing that her enthusiasm wasn't allowing Jade to get a word in.

It was like she didn't remember all the times in high school Jade had been hostile to her, made fun of her, or belittled her. It was odd to be sure, but earnest as ever, Tori's sentiments did not seem fake in any way.

"We're all uhh…great." Jade told her, taking the phone away from her ear for a moment to make sure Owen and Cat were still occupied. "Beck's working on a movie downtown, and Owen is busy being two. It's not actually as terrible as they say."

"That's awesome." Tori said sincerely.

It _was_ awesome, or should have been awesome. Jade was having a hard time playing it up today, and she wasn't quite sure why. "It can be," she finally agreed.

"Listen," Tori piped up after a brief silence, "I gotta run, but I just found out my plans for tonight have fallen through. Did you want to meet and catch up or…oh, I almost forgot." she said apologetically.

"What?"

"It's your birthday isn't it? You probably have plans already. Duh, Tori." She chided herself.

"Wow, yeah, it is. I can't believe you remembered." Jade mumbled.

"It was on my Splashface reminders today." Tori brushed it off casually. "So is Beck taking you out? Even though you're a mom, it's your 21st birthday! You have to live it up tonight."

"Actually…" Jade contemplated telling Tori about how her birthday had all but gone unnoticed in their house, but thought better of it. "I don't have any plans tonight. Beck's probably working late again… I'll probably just stay in."

"No!" Tori objected immediately. "You should come out with me. We'll hang out and get dinner and a few drinks in honor of your birthday! But I mean…only if you want to." Tori quickly digressed.

It was tempting. Jade's whole life was always about work and home, and not much else. She'd never imagined things would play out like this. Aside from the rebel image she projected, she was living a very tame life. At just 21, she had already "settled down". She loved Owen more than anything in the world, and she knew she loved Beck too, though right now she wasn't feeling very fond of him. She just needed to get away from it all, if just for a night.

"Okay," she assented, "I'll come out."

"Okay!" Tori exclaimed. "Good! No one should have to stay home on their birthday. I'll pick you up, so you can drink as much as you want and still get home safe."

Jade grinned to herself. It was kind of funny that she could be this excited to hang out with Tori Vega, the girl for whom she'd always claimed to have such disdain. Maybe she was finally growing up, and able to put stupid grudges behind her. After they'd said goodbye and hung up the phone, Jade went to spend some time with her son, and to ask Cat's opinion of a little black dress she'd been saving for just such an occasion.


	2. Chapter 2

Owen's long lashes fluttered as Jade gently brushed his unruly dark hair away from his eyes and whispered goodbye to him. Maybe she was biased, and in general she found kids to be gross, but he really was a beautiful baby. She leaned over his crib for a moment more, adjusting his blanket and tucking a stuffed toy under his arm. The boy was a heavy sleeper. She even managed a kiss on his forehead without waking him, before pulling herself away and heading downstairs.

At the foot of the stairs, Jade felt a bit guilty as she spied Cat, who was contentedly munching cheese curls and making highlights in a textbook at the table. It had been Cat's idea to stay with Owen until Beck got home. Jade had argued at first; she felt she was taking advantage of the other girl. She could just tell Tori that she couldn't make it out tonight. It was no big deal. But Cat insisted; she had grad school homework to concentrate on, and at home her upstairs neighbors were always making noise. At least it would be quiet at Jade's house so she could work for a while.

A last minute check in the mirror to be sure than her crimson lips weren't smudged, and assurance from Cat that she looked alright, and Jade glanced at the clock. Right on time, Tori, in her little silver car, pulled into the driveway. She gave the horn a friendly tap and waved as Jade acknowledged her from the window. Smoothing out her already smooth, form-fitting black dress, Jade let out a long breath through pursed lips, hoping that her stress and sudden nervousness would dissipate. She pushed through the feeling and headed out the door, a black clutch studded with silver in hand.

Tori greeted her with an excited hug, to which Jade did not mean to seem unwelcoming, but found she was slightly stiff in returning the embrace. It wasn't that she didn't like hugs. She'd grown used to the way Cat hugged her all the time, and Beck was affectionate as well. She supposed she merely wasn't expecting it of someone she'd nearly verbally abused for most of their teenage years. Tori did not seem to take any notice, but instead made small talk, and happily suggested and described different restaurants and bars they might try tonight.

"But seriously, wherever you want to go, we'll go." Tori offered.

"Hey, this was your idea," Jade countered, her natural cynicism kicking in, "you pick. That way if tonight turns out to be a bust I can just blame you."

Not missing a beat, Tori chuckled, "Okay, okay. I can't lie. I have a place in mind – and it's good. Trust me."

They sped through a particularly lavish part of Los Angeles, making Jade groan internally at the thought of a snobby restaurant. She imagined it would be full of people who reminded her of her mother. Shaking off the mental image of Botoxed, prissy, middle aged women sipping sangria, Jade's attention focused on her stomach. She was getting so hungry that she would have gladly welcomed a greasy fast food burger instead of whatever meager portions were liable to be served in this part of town.

"Where are we?" she asked, now beginning to question her decision to let Tori choose the place.

"Almost there now," Tori assured her, taking a right at the next intersection, heading away from the picturesque shopping centers and shiny cars.

Suddenly, before them stretched a quaint little row of buildings right on the water. Many of them looked weathered or even seemed to lean at precarious angles. Peeling black paint bedecked with neon graffiti was a stark comparison to the flashy Beverly Hills scene they'd passed what seemed like only moments ago. Tori parked on a side street and got out of the car. Jade followed suit, even though she was still confused as to where they were heading.

After walking halfway down the street, Tori turned to Jade and grinned. "You ready? This place is pretty wild."

Jade looked around skeptically. There was no evidence of such a place, aside from the distant sound of bumping bass, which was nearly drowned by the sound of the waves licking the craggy rocks along the shore.

"Uh-oh, I might not be able to handle it then." she quipped derisively. Old habits die hard; she flinched internally at her own remark.

Again not seeming phased by Jade's negativity, Tori nudged her with her elbow, her mouth spun into a quirky little smile. "Let me know if you can't keep up." She said mischievously.

They had come to what looked like a warehouse. The music was louder here, and became nearly deafening as one of the heavy metal doors rolled open, and the girls were beckoned inside by a man with a shaved head and tattoos covering both arms.

The music pumped and the moody blue lighting was occasionally shattered by colored lights that glared and streaked across the crowded dance floor, keeping time with the beat. Impressed, nearly mesmerized with the tantalizing characters and atmosphere, Jade slowed her pace to look around. A hand grabbed hers. Tori grinned and motioned for her to follow. She didn't really have much choice as the other girl pulled her through the crowd and up onto a balcony that wrapped around the sides of the room, overlooking the dance floor.

They continued to wind upwards, climbing stairs until the music began to fade far below them. Finally, Tori led Jade through a small dark hallway. When they emerged at the end of the hall, Jade gazed around, mouth agape. They were on the roof of the building, which was adorned with small tables on spindly legs, overlooking the harbor. A waiter escorted them to a table, setting glasses of fragrant white wine in front of them.

Noticing Jades incredulity at their striking rooftop dining spot, Tori gave a knowing smile. "I told you this place was something else!"

"You weren't kidding," Jade remarked, "I don't think I've been places this classy on dates. Even if Beck had remembered my birthday, I doubt I would have gone anywhere like this."

Tori looked slightly taken aback, but did not comment on the situation. Instead she focused for a moment on her phone, before slipping it discreetly inside her blousy pink shirt. Jade had all but forgiven Beck's forgetfulness at this point. Or maybe she had just been distracted from dwelling on it. She sipped her wine, which was sweet and smelled slightly of citrus. After her first glass she felt the warmth of the alcohol spreading from her chest. It was going to be a good night.

The waiter brought mouth-watering seafood dishes and the fluffiest cheesecake Jade had ever tasted, and the drinks kept coming. Though at times the chilled waterfront breeze seemed to clear Jade's head, she was feeling increasingly giggly. For a moment she was disgusted with herself. Jade West was not giggly. She caught her mental mistake; Jade Oliver was not giggly either.

Tori pulled her back from her thoughts, noticing that she'd become quiet. "Hey, are you alright?"

Jade smiled wryly, shaking her head. "Yeah…no…I mean, I was just thinking how weird it is that I'm married. I feel like high school was yesterday. If you'd asked me then where I thought I'd be…I'm not sure I would have thought…" she fell silent again.

Tori reached across the table cautiously, bringing her hand to rest on Jade's, and giving a small squeeze. "You and Beck are great together. I don't think you would have committed to a life with him if you weren't sure it was what you wanted. And now you guys have Owen – with parents like you two, there's no telling how awesome that kid will turn out. But everyone's got to question their own decisions sometimes. It doesn't mean you made the wrong choice…you know?" She looked strangely sad as she reassured her friend.

Eyes lingering on Tori's hand on her own, Jade nodded. "You're probably right."

For a moment she'd felt a flicker of an emotion she couldn't quite grasp. It was familiar, but she didn't know why. It was like a feeling of déjà vu that had been triggered at the moment Tori touched her. Jade shook her head. She'd probably had too much wine…or maybe not enough.

Right on cue, Tori asked mischievously, "You know what we need right now?" she leaned in towards Jade, who shrugged.

"Shots. Come on!" Her grip on Jade's hand tightened, and once again she was being dragged, but this time she found herself clinging to Tori's hand as if for her life, as they scampered back down the small dark hallway, around the upper deck, down the stairs, past the inviting glow of the dance floor, to the bar that Jade had failed to notice on their first whirlwind tour of the club.

A bartender who seemed intuitive to their needs (much like everyone else they'd encountered) poured two small glasses of crystal clear liquid that smelled of strawberries. Keen on letting her inhibitions take a break for the night, Jade clinked glasses with Tori.

"Happy Birthday!" Tori shouted over the blaring music.

Jade smiled through the burning sensation that came with the large gulp of sweet liquid. It made her cough and laugh at the same time. Tori put a hand on her, whether to steady herself or Jade was unclear. After they'd recovered, it was Jade who took the lead. Once again she slid her fingers between Tori's slender ones and pulled her toward the dance floor. She wasn't sure of her intentions other than she was here, and she was tipsy, and for reasons unbeknownst even to herself, she really wanted to dance with Tori Vega.


	3. Chapter 3

Jade found that being drunk from wine was very different than from liquor. Liquor gave a steadily increasing buzz that she could anticipate. Even though she was only just now 21 and of legal drinking age, she had never been one for following rules. Always eager to impress and shock, in high school she'd indulged herself every now and then. Back then it had been house parties and mixed drinks. Those parties were in stark contrast to tonight's lovely rooftop wine and dining, followed by clubs with the smell of a communal sweat and Tori's perfume as they danced close, absorbed in lights and music.

At age 16, Jade had found that the vodka and Sprite had a gradual effect. Beck had always been by her side to make sure nothing got out of hand, and to cut her off when she began trying to pick fights. She'd felt safe, always under the yoke of his arm. But tonight she felt freed, and her happiness might have been slightly in spite of him. The wine made her feel giddy and relaxed. There was a dizziness that she could fight when she thought about it, but it still caught her off guard when she wasn't concentrating on keeping her balance. Her extremities tingled slightly, and warmth seemed to radiate from the center of her chest.

Tori, on the other hand, had not allowed herself to partake in quite so many glasses, and seemed fairly adept at navigating the crowd. She grinned as she and Jade swayed to the music, strobe lights blinking across their faces, and giving an air of slow motion as they flicked in and out, split seconds revealing Jade's long dark hair swishing across her face in the surreal blue of the dance floor lights. The tightly packed room pushed them closer and closer until finally Tori motioned that they should leave. Though delayed in comprehending what her vague hand motions meant, Jade nodded her agreement and the two pushed through the mass of people until they found the exit. Outside, a blast of air swept off the water, cooling the sheen of perspiration that had settled on their skin, caressing them as they stepped into the twilit street. Jade laughed to herself, though nothing was particularly funny. It seemed a whole different world, with the breeze, and the night sky, and the quiet only broken by high heels on cement, and the lapping of waves; so vastly different than the pumping bass and liquor fueled frenzy of the club.

Jade stumbled but caught herself, and Tori smothered a giggle on the back of her hand. "Jade, I think you might be a little intoxicated!" she taunted.

"Happy Birthday to me." Jade agreed wryly. In the car, she slumped in her seat, and couldn't find a reason to care that her knees splayed in a less than ladylike manner. She was also vaguely aware that the straps of her little black dress had slunk down her shoulders. Disheveled was okay at this point, right?

"Let's get you home. Don't want to keep Beck waiting up for you too late." Tori smiled over at her from the driver's seat as they rolled through still and quiet backstreets.

Jade's eyes fell closed against the brightness of streetlights that shone through the window once they had reached downtown L.A. once again. It was not until Tori was touching her arm lightly that she even realized she'd dozed off.

"Hey Drunky," Tori teased, "you okay to get up the front steps?"

Startled, Jade glanced up toward the house. It seemed that her night away from reality was slipping away from her as they sat idling in the driveway. "Yeah, I'll be fine," she muttered, opening the door and sliding out of her seat, "thanks, Tori."

"Anytime! Text me tomorrow." Tori said brightly.

Jade glanced back. She felt she should say something else, but couldn't find the words.

"You know, only if you feel like it," Tori amended coolly, as if to distance herself from seeming too eager.

"Yeah, alright Vega, I will." Jade gave her a wicked little smile. Before closing the car door behind herself, she hesitated, drumming her fingers against the cool metal. "You know, I don't get it," she commented.

Tori tilted her head and furrowed her brow, "Don't get what?"

"Why are you…what made you want to be so nice to me? If I were you I would have never spoken to me after high school."

Tori bit her lip before shaking her head and smiling. "I feel like we've had this conversation before."

Jade grimaced. "I was such a bitch though!" she groaned, slurring slightly. "All through high school, I was never anything to you but horrible."

"So? We all did dumb things in high school. You probably had reasons to not like me."

Jade shook her head. Standing here now, she couldn't think of a single reason to dislike Tori, and in truth, she hadn't even disliked her back then. She'd just been the type to get a kick out of messing with a pretty, naive girl, and now she regretted it.

"I don't know," Jade grumbled, "I guess I'm…sorry…or something." Flustered, Jade closed the car door, noting the confused smile on Tori's face as she stepped away from the car and allowed the other girl to back out of the driveway.

Miraculously, Jade found her way safely up the steps. She found herself glancing behind to see the last glimpse of Tori's tail lights as she turned the corner. She felt foolish, but mentally vowed to be less worried about petty grudges, and more careful with her words. She hoped that even as resilient as Tori seemed, maybe old hurts between them, if they still existed, might eventually be forgotten. Jade had noticed that, no matter how small it was, there remained an occasional falter in Tori's smile, as if she was still searching for a hint that Jade might suddenly snap at her. Well, Jade lamented, it was not an unfounded apprehension.

Her thoughts were interrupted by the sudden need to spew the contents of her stomach into the garden. It came up deadly sweet, the acidity burning her throat and momentarily inducing violent coughing. Gripping the black iron railing, she spat and dragged the ends of her hair away from where it stuck to her chin. Jade breathed heavily for a few moments, letting herself recover before heading inside.

Beck greeted her in the kitchen, where he sat at the table with a thick script and two cups of coffee. Jade stumbled over a small toy train left in the walkway, and grabbed the top of the chair across from Beck to gain balance again.

"Steady there," Beck commented, smiling, but looking tired, "you look...awesome."

Jade gave a small huff of amusement. She expected she looked much less awesome now than she had. She shook her head and sat down, kicking off the lovely heeled shoes that had begun to savage her feet scarcely after her night had begun. She was only now beginning to notice the pain. As she nursed her blisters, Beck slipped away, and quietly returned to his seat, his hands concealed under the edge of the table.

"Thanks for not calling me out today. You could have really let me have it for being a huge jerk, and forgetting to say something to you before I left this morning. If it means anything at all, I got you something. Happy Birthday."

Perplexed as Beck slid a small box to her, Jade accepted it. Upon removing the lid, she found that within was a delicate silver necklace with a blue stone.

"Thanks." She hoped her voice sounded less tired, and more grateful, because she was. After sliding the chain through her fingers, and placing it back against the velvety lining of the box, she said pointedly, "You know, I did spend all day being pretty mad at you."

Beck chuckled. "That's okay, you have every right to be. I'll try to spend tonight making it up to you." He slid the extra mug of coffee toward her, then got up and kissed her on the temple. She could hear him inhale sharply as caught the lingering odor of vomit that was beginning to stiffen the ends of her hair. He began to laugh softly again. "I'm guessing you and Tori had a good night."

She had thought it peculiar that he'd not asked where she'd been. "How did you know I was with-?"

"She texted me earlier to yell at me for forgetting your birthday."

"Oh…" Jade felt bashful. She didn't need Tori to stick up for her. She didn't need that from anyone.

Beck looked as embarrassed as Jade felt. He rubbed his head absentmindedly.

"Yeah…tell you what. I'll run a bath for you. Come up when you finish your coffee. I'll be waiting." He smiled and sauntered toward the stairs.

Jade turned back to her coffee. She could tell by the taste that it was decaf, but it was still good. Her day had begun with coffee, and ended with it, but she had a feeling that within those now seemingly short hours, a lot had changed.


End file.
